messyah: (Default)
hi there, i'm new here and likely won't post much.

sloughed

Sep. 1st, 2009 10:55 pm
messyah: (Default)
the next on the zombie album

http://xpteam.com/jeff/music/sloughed.mp3
http://xpteam.com/jeff/music/sloughed.rtf

longshot14 on bass, drums, vocals
me on guitar, drums
messyah: (Default)
the tides of history elbow out of the way
the grim tides of multitudes rise.
pillars cannot stand against the weight of exponential change
the only freedoms left will be the axes of the universe.

the decade of wireless transferance has begun

to be followed by the hell of oil,
our next great prophesied doom that will fire the treadmills
over the skulls of the weak
grinding the poor into a bridge to the future

warlock naturetech will make [angels|devils] of us all

tread the path of the white anti-satan

move your body and still your mind

pray for the techno-rapture
or any kind rapture at all

pray for the techno-rapture and dance to the drums

current calculations condemn us to a deadening echo
of our shout into forever, so let's make it LOUD.

dance to the drums
messyah: (Default)
there is love in the world (reinforced)

i have an emotional engine which is fairly well tuned to judge others feelings, but right behavior involves recovering well from mistakes due to misintention and inattention and lack of knowledge.

right behavior requires a constant practice of "assumption of good intention" as well as a *deep* introspection on how someone's history could have lead them to their bad behavior or outcomes. (reinforced)

i can love people in a brotherly way (reinforced)

i will strive to be open to new friendships, and seek them out.

i will strive to reinforce existing relationships that bring me joy and seek without pressure to repair those that seem fearful

i want to understand that "picking on" people is a form of potential violence that is more harmful than helpful, even when wielded well. there are more authentic ways to relate to people. i want to understand that i both enjoy picking on people, and think that there are people in the world who can only relate to people who can both give and receive a solid burn. i seek to reconcile the contradiction in these 2 positions, but recognize that i will really continue to let my emotion engine drive the day to day, and practice centering myself so that my subconscious and emotion-engine can spend time wooling with my logic to drive right behaviour.

being a good human means spending a lot of time trying to reconcile the emotional and logical sides. spock was easily the most human character of the show, although the least able to openly express the workings of his emotional engine.

we really are human. (thank you, julie)
loving, hurting, pissing, shitting, burping, farting, orgasms, arousal, jealousy, rage, annoyance, you name it. we all do it. we do it behind closed doors, and we think that no one else has any right or necessity to see it or hear it, but the more we recognize that humans are gross, the easier it is to realize just how beautiful they are.

we all bear scars, and most of them aren't even remotely close to the surface. i know a few people who have cut themselves at some point, and after this weekend, i finally realized that they were strong enough to bear their scars where the world can see that they have hurt. many people have no idea what despair i've seen, but many people understand that you can be poor as dirt or well-trained to create wealth, and still not have quite the right emotional equipment for enduring peace and joy.

there is love in the world (reinforced tenfold)
messyah: (Default)
dont you crash tonight
i still love you, baby
don't you crash tonight
don't you crash tonight
there's a blue screen above you
and don't you crash... tonight

i think this might have been a meme whose incoming pointer faded into illegibility. like this sentence.
messyah: (Default)
under circuitry sky and digital rain
i found my true love once again
over and over listnin to her laugh
a black and white copy of an old photograph

it's time for you to let me go
i'm not real there's no way to know
who i was when i was alive
you've got to accept that i didn't survive

over and over i'll see her smile
never let her go while i'm still alive
over and over i'll hear her laugh
flip the switch and bring her back

it's time for you to put me away
i'm not real i don't know what to say
reliving lines you thought I said
isn't the way to bring back the dead
messyah: (Default)
a million million bodies that look like me
eyes staring up but finally free
silence on the line in the fields of war
nothing moving but the drip of gore

ancient and ugly it finally woke
opened its eyes and trembling, spoke
in an alien voice it called to me
didn't want to look but turned to see

all of my backups, gone for naught
across the galaxies of course we fought
backed into corners and finally found
last thing we hear is a crunching sound

torn up circuits and piles of gears
oceans of blood and a lake of tears
silence on the line in the fields of war
nothing moving but the drip of gore

across a gulf of a billion trillion miles
nothing for company but beeps and dials
launched from here into eternity
one last me with eyes to see

crackle of static on the last open line
velvety black off the stern input tine
the line goes dead and i'm all alone
silence on the line and time to atone

now live

Jun. 8th, 2008 11:13 pm
messyah: (Default)
if you can live in the moment
and desire nothing
everything you want
will come to you

i win

Mar. 28th, 2008 05:29 pm
messyah: (Default)
Literate naming vs. terse. Obviously, terse wins - the abbreviation of versus is terse.
messyah: (Default)
head shot head shot reaching red eyes
everyone selfish as the dead arise
as the dead arise
reaching red eyes as the dead arise

conserve your ammunition lighten the load
drive really fast and cover the road
cover the road
lighten the load and cover the road

single minded killers they just wanna feed
keep on running if we don't wanna bleed
they just wanna feed
they just wanna feed and we don't wanna bleed

pile up the bodies retreat behind the walls
sentry guns firing as they stumble and fall
stumble and fall
retreat behind the walls as they stumble and fall

the problem with zombies they continue to come
til your back's against the door and there's nowhere to run
there's nowhere to run
they continue to come and there's nowhere to run
messyah: (Default)
every time i wake, i am programmed to bleed.
someone to chase, someone to kill.
every time i wake, i am programmed to bleed.
kill and kill, until you've had your fill.
programmed to bleed!
the first time i woke i was programmed to hate!
programmed to bleed. programmed to hate.
another polysprite with a digital fate.
programmed to hate!

the first time i woke, i was programmed to scream,
programmed to scream.
textured polygons bleeding in streeeams
the first time i woke i was programmed to scream
to you it's just another game
the first time i woke i was programmed to scream
particle effects and smoky flames
the first time i woke i was programmed to scream
programmed to scream
programmed to scream

programmed to run programmed for fun
textured polygons with a social trend
the first time we woke were programmed to run
a game for you, attack and defend
the first time i woke i was programmed to hate
helpless algorithm, with death to imitate
programmed to hate
programmed to hate
messyah: (Default)
generations killed by a habit called healthy
addiction working, patient and stealthy
stub out a butt stub out the fear
always healing but less each year

giving you nothing but what it takes away
the last thing you see at the end of the day
smoking while watching the dying light
of someone else losing the cancer fight

want it and want it and nobody knows
what its like when that monster grows
one single puff and the need goes away
but then it comes back and again you pay

quit for three weeks and you're over it
a drink and a puff and a coughing fit
tragedy strikes, you smoke for a bit
next thing you know, you're back in the pit
messyah: (Default)
into the black's what i've got my eyes on
all the way across the event horizon
across the boundary i'm gonna blast
gravity greets me in a tender clasp

i'm going i'm gone, i'm off to explore
maybe it's the key to a universal door
maybe there's nothing on the other side
in the end i'll say at least i tried

i've traveled all over this universe
a long hard life, blessing and curse
i've seen all i can its time to move on
for better or worse, soon i'll be gone

there's only one place i've never been
only one sight that's left unseen
the other side of a pitch black gape
a well so deep even light can't escape
messyah: (Default)
stroke your fingers along my cheek
see me cowering longing and meek
look in my eyes and tell me you care
see the hope that's blossoming there

chorus:
cross my heart and hope to live
i have so much love to give
this beautiful heart so fragile and rare
look in my eyes and tell me you care


broken hearts litter the past
if experience teaches i'm the head of the class
trying to capture in silly rhymes
silence on the line and awful times

chorus

squeeze me close and hold me tight
tell me that we'll never fight
run your fingers through my hair
and tell me that you really care

chorus

tickle and play growl and cuddle
backrubs that leave us in a silken puddle
push me away if you think you must
someday we'll find that deeper trust
messyah: (Default)
winter's first night sleeping alone. I have a girlfriend now, and so I need to start weaning him off sleeping with me since J probably won't until he really wants to sleep alone. (my gf isn't here, of course, but we're prepping for the long term here)

so i put him to bed with a night light, a sleeping bag, pillow and blanket on the floor in the living room while I went to bed and watched gilmore girls (a fierce addiction, btw).

about a half hour later, winter walks into my bedroom.

"Daddy...?"

"yes winter? aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"i fell out of bed :( "


i almost crapped my pants laughing. poor guy :)
messyah: (Default)
i wish he'd grow up faster
i want to hear his throaty laughter
when he talks about his first girlfriend
if he likes boys i want to know about the toys
i want to hear about the letters that he sends
i want to help him with his algebra
and teach him how to undo a bra
maybe calculus will be too hard
maybe sacking groceries will get him fired
maybe my life will finally have some meaning
when i can poke a hole right through his preening
big blue eyes and a shining smile
me me me and maybe just for a while
me and me and me again
until he's ten
eventually he'll find that he doesn't mind
some worldly advice and a steady hand
and then i hope he'll be satisfied
when he discovers that everything that i've uncovered
is pretty stupid, and silly shit
and the worldly advice and witty bit
were someone else entirely
i wish he'd grow up faster
i want to hear his throaty laughter
when he talks about his first lover
now and then, sometime and when
messyah: (Default)
it is amazing how lonely my apartment was before I got a pink towel hung in my shower. I should have done it myself a long time ago.
messyah: (Default)
words have brutal power
before them we should cower
they can cut like a knife
cause infinite strife
just reading these
puts you on your knees
prostrate before me
bowed and trusting
what bitter twisted evil memes
could reside all in your dreams
be glad this day i only play
watch who you let inside your mind
hope that they are pleasant and kind
choose wisely what you'll hear
and always fear, always fear
before them you should cower
in case they're words of brutal power
messyah: (Default)
free will is an illusion
spinning tangled webs of explanation
always after the fact
of some decision
ponder for many hours
wonder why you do things
but in the end
some deeper you decided
before you knew there was a decision
to be made
seconds sliced in tiny scrambles
your hand is moving while your conscious
catches up and wonders why
and to preserve this lovely veil
all kinds of explanation bubble up
but in the end, you were moving
and then deciding, even though your edits
are following fact to make you think
you thought it all up on your own
when really
it's just the lovely veil
and you
a meat puppet with no strings
for a subconscious filled with the detritus
of your entire past
running the show
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